As RVA’s leading destination for all things love, dating and relationships, I’ll address questions and discuss new topics every week on Richmond.com. What answer or topic would you like to see when you come back next Monday? Just tuning in? Click on the links at the bottom to see what you’ve been missing!
In business school, one of the main themes that ran throughout many of my management courses was the concept of “whole person” management, a style that acknowledges and manages you as an entire individual rather than honing in on and exploiting any skill sets that you possess; gearing supervision and directive to only those skill sets.
This practice countered the business practices and management styles instilled in my parents’ generation. Of course, business schools have now thrown in mandatory ethics classes, too. But, we won’t get in to that today.
Fast forward eight years, and I have not yet ceased to be amazed by the number of individuals in management positions I’ve encountered who have not taken advantage of the knowledge gained from 20 years of glaring and overwhelming data showing the impact of new school management on productivity.
Are they just stubborn? Are they biting off their employees’ heads to spite their businesses? Or, is it just that they didn’t get the work/life balance memo?
Just as many have failed to see the value of the whole person in business, they might not have gotten the memo on other areas of their lives, either.
When we are looking for a potential partner, many of us (especially the ladies), make an actual list of all of the things that we want from our significant other. While it is great to identify your wants and needs, make sure that you aren’t wearing blinders when it comes to other, equally important things like oh, I don’t know, the other person!
The goal is to create a symbiotic relationship, not a parasitic one. While you’re looking for that special someone to meet your needs, be sure that you are looking for a person whose needs you can meet, too. Your future significant other is not going to be solely comprised of all of the things that you’re looking for. He or she is going to be an entire person, beyond the qualities that you want.
Just as all employers should be asking interviewees: What’s in it for you? What are your career goals? How do you envision your future? You should be doing the same with your dates. By that, I don’t mean for you to interview your date.
What I mean, is that you shouldn’t narrow your understanding of your potential partner by just going down your own list to see if he or she is a good fit. Be sure to work toward getting to know him or her as a whole person.
For those of you who are currently in a relationship, the same goes for you.
If you want someone to cater to your laundry list of needs and wants (which, coincidentally, often includes laundry), you need to do the same. A marriage counselor once gave me some great advice. She told me that, before entering into a serious relationship, everyone needs to fully accept the 60/40 rule. If you expect to do 60 percent of the giving, and only 40 percent of the receiving, you keep your expectation at an attainable level, and you’re never disappointed by unrealistic ones.
“And so, my fellow Americans – ask not what your country boyfriend/girlfriend can do for you, ask what you can do for your country boyfriend/girlfriend.” -JFKind of, sort of
Send your dating questions to MeetRight1@gmail.com. You might just see your question answered next week!
Responses to last week’s column far exceeded all prior weeks. Well done! To clarify, RVA, I’m applauding you because of participation, not celibacy. Nonetheless, Mr. V: 2 points. Sophie: 0.
Keep sending me your responses to Mr. V’s scenario and, if there is something unique about you, that makes it difficult for you to date, tell me about it. Maybe I can help.
Also, continue to check back for updates on Mr. V and a potential Christian Singles Event this spring!
But, a more immediate event that I’m happy to announce is in honor of VALENTINE’S DAY!!
Tune in next Monday, Like my new Facebook page, Follow me on Twitter, connect with me on LinkedIn, and share this column with all of your friends—and your old boss, your new boss, your boss’ boss, and that jerk, whose position is technically lateral to yours (but he has no idea what he’s doing). Maybe it never dawned on them that employees are people, too!
Sophie Blystone is the PR Director for It Takes 2, voted Best Dating Service in Richmond for the past 5 years. She has been in a committed relationship with the RVA since 2000.